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Editorials

Oh, The Four-rror! The Magic of The Part 4’s of Horror Movies

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Why yes, Freddy you are, just like this batch of horror movie sequels I’m about to slash my way through.

In most cases regarding film franchises and sequels to blockbuster films, a trilogy is usually the answer and the most notable way to wrap up a movie series. It’s pretty damn rare for a movie to break that trilogy trope, entering into a fourth film and beyond that. Well, the 80s slasher movies era, I’d say, are solely responsible for a pitfall of sequels that broke all the rules that came before it. Friday the 13th was the first of the slasher films to stick its impervious middle finger to the rule of three and laid out the groundwork for a brigade of horror movies to follow. Of course, they weren’t the first film property to ever do this, as the Universal Monster films along with the Abbott and Costello crossovers offered a myriad of sequels and continuities to their previous installments. Jason was just the one to resurrect the flow of sequels beyond just three.

And he’s really good at resurrecting shit. Including himself.

Myers tho… I never want to hear Halloween and Resurrection in the same sentence ever again.

Anyway, some of these part-fours are better than others, and in some horror franchises like The Omen and Psycho, Part IV was their downfall and a rather unsatisfying ending to their retrospective counterparts. However, as the slasher genre ran dug a rabbit hole of sequels that continues on to this very day with movies like SCREAM and SAW, they created a shift in the horror movie game saying that more is never enough and really changed the way things had happened up to that point, whether they continued in a positive way or not. That being said, let’s forego the bad and take a look at the five best Part Fours of the horror game that not only satisfied our craving for our beloved franchises’, but had us clamoring for MORE.

If you’re new here, I’m just gonna start with the goddamn obvious.

Halloween 4: The Return of Michael Myers

Holy Blonde-Haired Michael Myers, how I love thee. Let me count the ways. After the commercial failure of Halloween III: The Season of the Witch, Moustapha Akkad, took control of John Carpenter’s immortal classic and gave fans what they wanted six years after the third movie bombed with viewers- The return of Michael Myers as well, the title so boldly states so audiences KNEW they were coming to see Myers come back from what was certain death to fuck up the lives of everyone in Haddonfield. A disfigured Dr. Loomis is back and on the trail of pure and simple evil as he hunts down his only heir left-niece Jamie Lloyd (Danielle Harris), daughter of Laurie, who had died eleven months earlier.

Halloween 4 has no damn business being as great as it was, but it is, perhaps, the best of all these part fours’ mentioned. We have a beautiful aesthetic that puts the viewer right there in the film with you, not to mention one of the best openers to any horror movie- ever. Rachel (Ellie Cornell), a final girl who is terribly underrated and probably the most relatable and likable character of the whole film series. And a highly satisfying ending that WOULD have been the absolute tits had the franchise decided to move forward with Jamie taking Michael’s place, like an heir to the boogeyman throne. But ya’ know, Revenge fucked all that up, and gave us the Thorn storyline instead. If I wanted to watch a Thorn timeline, I’d watch The Omen movies, thank you very much.

Ahh, well at least we have this one, and I’ll die on the hill of stating that Halloween 4 is the absolute GOAT for sequels and nostalgia as a whole, what with all the 80s’ feel to it that just brings you back to your childhood on Halloween day and night. ERM, without being chased up on a roof by your crazy uncle, that is. Or maybe you had a weirdo uncle like that? I don’t know. Either way. It’s the best and you can’t tell me any different.

A Nightmare On Elm Street 4: The Dream Master

In that same year, the highly anticipated follow-up to Dream Warriors, which was a damn masterpiece all on its own, was delivered to our eyeballs at the peak of Freddy-Mania. Dream Master, which follows the last of the Elm Street/Westin Hills teens and their group of friends into a whole new nightmare, was the biggest audience draw of the NOES franchise, ranking in a box-office gross of almost 50 million-only to be surpassed by Freddy Vs Jason sixteen years later. Those numbers backed up the greatness that is Dream Master, giving us a fresh new spin on the Springwood Slasher by mixing in a bit of light humor with sheer terror.

Freddy’s sick sense of humor first appeared slightly in Dream Warriors, but he really took it to another level in part 4 with those one-liners.

Alice (Lisa Wilcox), the film’s new heroine, is much like Rachel Carruthers. She’s incredibly relatable, especially for us introverts, and a total badass who finds her strength within herself, and well, with the help of her deceased friends. Also, incredibly underrated and hell she shouldn’t be. Not many people escape the claws of Freddy and managed to do so not once, but twice. Alice rules and can stand shoulder to shoulder with Nancy any damn day of the week.

Plus, Dream Master has a Dramarama song in it. Automatic win.

Friday the 13th Part IV: The Final Chapter

This might be a hot take for some Jason fans out there, but The Final Chapter for me, is by far superior to part 2 and 3. I know many might not share my sentiment, but whether you agree or not, I think we can all unanimously be of the same mind that part 4 of the Friday the 13th films, rules, and it rules HARD.

I can’t really explain why I seem to favor this one over the previous two, not counting the original of course, but maybe it’s because since this was supposed to be the final Friday film, hence the title, they ramped up the gore, the kills, and the nudity along with some actual likeable characters you want to root for. The previous Friday films, did have some decent characters of course, but you weren’t crazy invested in them like perhaps Tommy (Corey Feldman) and his sister Trish (Kimberly Beck), who offered some light-hearted moments and even some character development throughout the movie. We also have Crispin Glover, who does a whacky dance that I think all of us horror fans have tried to replicate at least once, and the cool as hell Ted White as Jason, who, like others mentioned in this article, doesn’t get nearly enough credit for his contribution to the franchise.

The film also opens up with what I think is, right behind Jason Lives of course, as the coolest intro to ANY of the Friday films of the series. Nostalgic recapping of the first three movies in a homicidal instrumental montage? Yes please. We need more of these.

SAW IV

Saw IV, or The Continuing Adventures of Jigsaw, The Guy Who Really Loves Messing With This One Extremely Incompetent Police Department Who Can Never Catch Him, Even After He’s Already Dead. Whichever you prefer.

I think if you’re going to try and pass the torch from one homicidal maniac to another, SAW IV is a good example of how to do it and do it well. Part 4 of Jigsaw’s torturous tale is even more violent, if at all possible, than the previous three, and that says a lot when the third film has one of the most fucked up traps Jigsaw ever concocted-The Rack. Seriously, fuck that scene.

With John Kramer (Tobin Bell) and Amanda (Shawnee Smith) now dead, that doesn’t mean the punishments are over. Detective Eric Matthews (Donnie Wahlberg) is still alive in the clutches of someone ELSE carrying on the work of Jigsaw and Agent Lindsey Perez (Athena Karkanis) and Agent Peter Strahm (Scott Patterson) are brought in on the case. Lieutenant Daniel Rigg (Lyriq Bent) is being framed as Kramer’s helper so he goes on the run and finds himself in the middle of Jigsaw’s shenanigans in a game of his own. The movie ends with one of the most WTF twists not seen since the first movie and a violent death you’ll not soon ever forget. Really incredible writing and they went to such painstaking lengths to sort of sew everything together to provide us with an amazing degree of continuity.

Some people think the SAW movies are nothing more than torture porn. I say those people fail to realize the deeper messages sprinkled throughout the series. With SAW IV, it’s a clear criticism of health insurance in the United States and the logic healthcare uses to determine whether someone is fit to live. Inserting these sorts of commentaries within a film like SAW is not only ballsy, but brilliant.

Speaking of ballsy, truly, the most horrific scene in that film is John Kramer’s dick. That’s something no one wanted to see, you bastards.

The Bride of Chucky

While I’m not TOO keen on changing an entire formula of what made a movie works in the first place, I guess there’s only so far you can go with the premise of a killer doll and how many times his soul is going to get stuck in a pseudo My Buddy plastic body. So what do we do? Bring in his female counterpart who is definitely more crazy than he is, all the while worshiping Martha Stewart and making Swedish meatballs in between murders.

Chucky (Brad Dourif) is back thanks to his old girlfriend Tiffany (Jennifer Tilly) and some voodoo for dummies. But the rekindled courtship doesn’t last long, and Chucky gives Tiffany a taste of his own medicine by killing her and transferring her soul into a doll, pretty much to spite her. The now fate-intertwined pair must both find human counterparts to finally free themselves, and the pair pretty much fall in love all over again while doing it.

I mean, it’s totally a toxic love, but hey, I’m here for the shit show.

Bride of Chucky is a far cry from the first film, as the original 1988 horror flick served to scare the shit out of people, and scare the shit out of us it did. But, I gotta say, adding Jennifer Tilly to the franchise and turning it into a campfest actually worked and it worked well. We laughed our asses off at the theater when this came out and I still do 25 years after the fact. I’ll never get over the fact this movie had the straight BALLS to have a doll sex scene. Well, shadow humping but still. It was goddamn weird and wild.

Bride of Chucky ushered in a whole new era for the killer doll without making it stale and it really was the smartest way to do it. Also paving the way for the Chucky series we have now.

Tiffany said it best, “Barbie, eat your heart out.”

As you can see, the power of four is not to be fucked with in the horror genre friends. Some other notable nods are The Final Destination and I’m gonna go there- Puppet Master 4 (hey it’s a fun movie, don’t judge me). Thoughts on my assessment here, nuggets? Or feel free to tell me I’ve lost my fuckin’ mind. Either way it’ll be fun time for both of us!

Editorials

WHY FATHER’S DAY IS ABOUT AN UNCLE I NEVER HAD

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I don’t remember my father ever saying I love you. What I do recall were summers in Iowa. Struggling with the weight of hay bales to feed the horses and being told that I should be stronger for my age. Watching him punch one of those Belgians in the head because they weren’t cooperating with what he wanted them to do. The morning we left one year, I had made him a gift but when the time came to part, he was too tired to get up, muttered “that’s nice, thanks. See you next time” and rolled over to go to back to sleep.

I also remember the drinking and verbal abuse. A fragile man so angry at his own shortcomings that he felt it necessary to intimidate his wife and children. I was 12 the last time I was in the same room with him. I made it clear the day would come when I was his size — and even more clear how much I was looking forward to that day.

I didn’t go to his funeral but am grateful to my father for one thing: showing me that who I wanted to be was the opposite of who he was.

Come to think of it, I’m grateful for two things.

I dove into horror at a very young age because I needed to escape into a world where I felt seen. Long before those dreaded summers in Iowa, were bi-weekly weekend visits when my father still lived in the same city as my mother. I’d endure remarks about my strength or speed, questions about why I wasn’t like my cousins, or anger about me spending most of the weekend in my room away from him. I only wanted to finish my work in the yard so I could head to the video store and pick up as many FRIDAY THE 13TH movies as my meager weekend allowance allowed.

I eventually explored non-FRIDAY avenues. Along the way I discovered SILVER BULLET (1985) and had an awakening. I had no idea who Gary Busey was, but ever since “another lovely night at sister Nan’s”, Uncle Red has been scorched into my memory.

Yes, he was an alcoholic and yes, he made decisions that were more about being the cool uncle than a responsible adult because who the hell buys their nephew a bag of fireworks to shoot off alone, in the middle of the night, when there is an active killer in town?

That’s kind of a huge red flag that I’m not allowed to ignore, but here’s my point: Uncle Red tried.

It was Uncle Red who said there was more to Marty than him not being able to walk. Uncle Red was the one who reminded Marty that no shithead can stop the good guys. Uncle Red was the one who walked into the sheriff’s office and shared a story about “this blue” and Reverend Werewolf. Uncle Red marched into a gun store with a concocted story about the Lone Ranger and asked for a silver bullet. And Uncle Red bought and paid for a romantic trip for two to New York so that he could clear his sister and brother-in-law out and be in the house to protect his niece and nephew during the full moon.

Uncle Red may not have always made the safest decisions, but he tried. He was there when it mattered. He believed in Marty and Jane when no one else would. And he fought for them.

Hell, Uncle Red built the Silver Bullet for Marty, not because it was the safest option–because it most certainly was not–but so that Marty had something he felt good about and was proud of. “I built that for you because I love you. Right from my heart.”

After Marty took said Silver Bullet–less a wheelchair than a three-wheeled motorcycle–out for a test run, Uncle Red warned Marty not to tell his mother how fast it was, to which his nephew responded, “ya know, I don’t get you.”

Uncle Red simply said “I know you don’t.”

But I did. And I do.

And I’m positive there are many of you reading these words for whom it resonates, as well.

While it was easy to see why Uncle Red’s sister was apprehensive about his influence on her son, it was just as easy to see that Uncle Red wanted Marty and Jane to be confident and happy, and never missed an opportunity to let them know that they could be more than he ever was.

This Father’s Day, I’m not an alcoholic or capable of building anything for which one may or may not need a pilot’s license — but like Uncle Red, I show up for the people I love — the polar opposite of my father.

And I did win a subscription to Popular Mechanics.

Editorials

30 Years of Prehistoric Nostalgia: Welcome To Jurassic Park

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Clears throat, and in my best Sophia Petrillo voice: Picture it… June 1993. Prince announces that he is changing his name to an unpronounceable symbol. Ken Griffey Jr. slugs his 100th career home run in Seattle and one of the biggest blockbuster films of not just the 90s, but an entire generation is about to stomp its way into a legacy comparable to few other films in the 20th century.

Yes, sir, that movie is JURASSIC PARK.

Released nationwide theatrically on June 11th, 1993, Jurassic Park was THEE movie to see for us kids as we began our Summer. Fresh out of the sixth grade, and on my birthday that weekend, two friends, myself, and my younger brother headed to our local brick-and-mortar theater (that was literally made of bricks on the outside and in as you’ll see below), for a Saturday afternoon showing of Dino-Power with a planned visit to our favorite comic book store next door after to discuss the movie and grab the latest issue of X-Men. A seemingly normal afternoon at the movies, or so we thought. This was anything but. This was something otherworldly. Something special, And a movie that will leave a lasting impression on us for the rest of our lives.

Also, can we appreciate how movie theaters looked back in the day? Magnificent. I miss this place deeply.

That moment of shock on Alan Grant’s face spoke universally to all of us watching this movie for the first time. Steven Spielberg created an entire world for us, one we could only dream about or see pictures of in books. This was King Kong for our generation. It was so visually breathtaking that it was all we could think about all Summer. It was the type of movie that one could watch over and over again and still never get bored with it. For 90s kids, it was love at first sight, and it got us completely transfixed. It made us obsess about dinosaurs if we weren’t already while creating memories like the one I’m speaking on now that we still remember pretty vividly 30 years ago.

I mean, I could also never forget having to take my little brother out of the theater as he was in absolute HYSTERICS over the goat being eaten. I missed about five glorious minutes of one of the best scenes of that film for the first time, and I never let him forget that. To this very day, when I’m in a particular mood, and he’s being an asshole, I just remind him of that little incident and that he owes me at the very least a Kidney should I ever need a spare.

Anyway, Jurassic Park is one of those movies that continuously does well even in re-releases, and that all boils down to both the longevity of this massive achievement in filmmaking and of course, nostalgia folks. Jurassic Park had no goddamn business being as good as it was. Still, with the underlying tale-as-old-as-time Frankenstein message of men playing God, on top of the overly amazing special and practical effects that brought dinosaurs to life on the big screen, the story itself was one that both kids and adults could relate to and understand. With great movies, comes great responsibility. And over the years, fans and studios have done well with keeping the legacy of this movie in a respective light without dimming its original magic. We’ve had five subsequent movies, since Jurassic Park and sure they’re all great in their own way, they’ll never match the wonder and awe of the original; as with any first film of course.

Even though Jurassic Park didn’t need promotional tie-ins to help rake in the Blockbuster bucks, there was no short supply of clothing, food, and toys to usher in the Jurassic era of the 90s. In fact, everyone was looking to cash in on the Dino-Hype, including McDonald’s which just a year prior was scolded by parents for the Batman Returns Happy Meals as apparently the film was too violent to be associated with the wholesome obesity-driven agenda that is the Fast Food Giant. McD’s wasn’t going to let this monster of a promotion opportunity go extinct on them, so they compromised with an extra-value meal aimed at “adults” that included collector cups in lieu of Happy Meals to avoid the pearl-clutchers in their ears.

Also me after eating one of those dino-sized meals…

Toy company Kenner produced a line of action figures, vehicles, and of course Dino figs including a couple of “Dino-Screamers” like the Velociraptor that shrieked at your little brother for making you miss some integral parts of the movie because he was being a crybaby.

Yes, I’m still bitter. Also, yes, these things ruled.

Dankin also got in on the toy phenomenon by producing a line of HIGHLY sought-after Jurassic plush toys that was so popular, the company couldn’t seem to keep up with the demand. These things were beautifully made and MASSIVE to boot. Just take a look at this gorgeous one provided by JurassicToys. Net!

Also, we can never forget that SEGA gave us one of the coolest openings to a video game ever with JURASSIC PARK: THE VIDEO GAME. This almost has a Spaceballs-type theme to it, doesn’t it?

Limited Run Games is looking to cash in on the anniversary and your nostalgia with the Jurassic Park 30th Anniversary Retro Collection. The announcement was made back in April with the image below, which features Jurassic Park games from the NES, SNES, and Game Boy. No one has heard a peep since then on when these will be released, but I would imagine at the time of this post, it would be extremely soon.

To say Jurassic Park is a modern day classic is as cliché as it gets, but sometimes that trope needs to just be said. One could even argue it’s the best film of the decade for both nostalgic and filmmaking quality of reason, what with breaking boundaries and all. To say cinema wouldn’t be as computer-literate now without the film is a tad naive, but Jurassic Park certainly sped up the process. As Ian Malcom says,”Life, uh, finds a way.” With some CG mixed with practical effects, everyone in the industry wanted a piece of that creativity, and thus really thrust the computer science of effects forward. This is what was revolutionary for them, the visionaries. Us, the audience, however, saw something altogether more exciting: another world that that would live in our hearts forever and pass along to the generations after us.

Happy Jurassic June nuggets!