Category Archives: Editorials

Editorials

40 Years Later: “Friday the 13th Part V: A New Beginning”, Was Way Ahead of its Time

Image Leave a comment

It all started with a candy bar. If Vic hadn’t gotten “completely out of line” with fat fuck Joey, we never would have bore witness to enchilada diarrhea death or Ethyl’s grandeur home cooking segments. It’s a hideous thought to ponder, and while some might disagree, A NEW BEGINNING is the definitive breakout star sequel of the FRIDAY THE 13TH franchise.

Yes. I’m as serious as Tommy Jarvis’ stare when I say that.

Every horror franchise seems to have ONE film in the series that goes off the rails. HALLOWEEN had “SEASON OF THE WITCH”, NOES had “FREDDY’S REVENGE”, and FRIDAY the 13th has “A NEW BEGINNING”; and that’s precisely what it was meant to be. A way to veer off from what was definitively “THE FINAL CHAPTER” where Jason had clearly met his demise at the hands of a young Jarvis and an opportunity to pass the machete, so to speak, to a new killer in the franchise. In the past 40 years in horror movies, switching killers in an iconic horror franchise has never really seemed to pan out with the majority of fans and A NEW BEGINNING was no exception as Crystal Lake campers flocked to the theater to see Jason back from the dead in 1985, only to leave confused and pissed off the for the most part. To this day, the fan base seems to be divisive on that matter, while Part V has a cult following, that yours truly is Vice President of the Violet Moraine Fan Club, while others deem it as the red-headed stepchild of the series and a low point for Friday films.

I tend to think those are the same people who hate SEASON OF THE WITCH because Michael Myers isn’t (technically) in the movie. Although I do like to point out that he actually is when that argument comes up.

YEAH, SEE RIGHT THERE! He is actually PIVOTAL in the (assumed) demise of millions of children wearing Silver Shamrock masks, since the original movie is marketed with the BIG GIVEAWAY.

Now back to A NEW BEGINNING– Jarvis, now a teen, is suffering from massive PTSD from his encounter with Jason, and who wouldn’t be fucked up from that? He was institutionalized and then transferred to, of course, a camp institution in the woods for kids with “problems” like himself. And after the death of chocolate-loving Joey at the hands of another unstable teen at the residence, all the teens there are picked off one by one, by well, presumably Jason, Only to come find out at the end of the film, it was Joey’s father, Roy the paramedic who attended to the homicide scene, seeking revenge on the camp for the death of his son. A son of which he obviously told no one about, or was some sort of dirty secret of his. Which at the end of the day, makes perfect sense since Jason was technically DEAD. And the franchise was breathing fresh new blood into the storylines to keep that sequel cash flow going while offering the fan base something other than the same regurgitation of Jason killing teens having sex and trespassing on his stomping grounds.

However, upon release, there was some mixed reviews from fans with the largest complaint being Jason wasn’t actually in the movie. Again, just like HALLOWEEN III, he technically was, via Tommy’s dream sequences and hallucinations. I mean, he sure as shit wasn’t dreaming about a blue-eyed homicidal paramedic. Or maybe he was. I’m not judging.

Director Danny Steinmann told FANGORIA in issue #44 in 1985: “I have complained a lot about other people taking over my films, but on this one I was pretty much allowed to make it happen in a way that I thought would get the biggest response from the audience. I’ve been given a true shot. I can’t complain on this.”

With Tommy and Pam taking out fake Jason, A NEW BEGINNING sets up Tommy to be the franchise’s new slasher, and I can’t help but wonder what could have been if they had gone down that road. Of course, personally speaking my favorite films in the series are actually 5-8, so with that being said, Jason would have never jammed with Alice Cooper or taken a boat, I mean, Manhattan. And I’m not sure I want to live in a world where “the darkest side of the night” never happened. Still, it was a smart move to make if they were indeed going to continue or flat-out end the series. But fans are gonna fan, and they just wanted more of the real Jason.

So let it be written. So let it be done. And he lives.

We also have to talk about the great batch of side characters in PART V. The FRIDAY movies usually have a great set of people lined up for slaughter. Some we like. Some, we can’t wait for them to get a machete through the skull. In this movie though, I think we have some of the most memorable side cast in all the films.

We got Reggie the Reckless. THE FIRST BLACK TEEN TO SURVIVE A HORROR MOVIE. And with that kind of charm, it would have been such a waste to kill his character off. I’m only sorry he didn’t make a return as an older teen or adult in later films.

He also has an older brother, Demon, who by far has one of the most memorable death scenes in the entire franchise. His appearance was brief, but impactful-also probably the most quoted, with “Them Damn Enchiladas”. I can’t be the only one who simply can NOT just say enchiladas when they’re around. They are specifically referred to as THEM DAMN ENCHILADAS.

There’s the ultimate comedy relief of Ethyl and Junior. As far as comedic duos go in the Friday franchise, there are none greater than these two dildohs.

And of course, Miss Violet and what was my first introduction to “His Eyes” by Pseudo Echo. Such a perfect song for the characters of Roy and Jason with a cool kid goth dance before getting a machete to the groin. It was actually supposed to splice her genitals . Too bad that never made it into the movie as the first of its kind.

45 years later, A NEW BEGINNING seems to have found its footing with, ironically, a new generation, making it a favorite among some fans, launching it into cult fandom. But it was also 80s kids like myself who were too young to see it in the theaters, but caught multiple viewings of this on cable television; most notably on the USA Network. I swear they must have played this movie a million times in the late 80s and early 90s when that station had its horror marathons and also during the infamous UP! ALL NIGHT with Rhonda Shear or Gilbert Gottfried.

Case in point:

That being said, one might argue a bit of nostalgia plays a part as well, but I won’t label it as cheap as that. It’s a goddamn good movie that was way ahead of it’s time. OoooOO baby I’m just glad the once bastardized sequel now has its rightful place as a worthy contender for one of the best in the franchise with horror fans that can see this entry for what it is: Not just a slasher movie, but a movie that attempted to bring the series back to its roots with the infamous whodunnit horror. Part V at least remembers that this franchise wasn’t just a mindless killer stalking and murdering teenagers to begin with; it was a mystery killer going around and murdering said teenagers. That was part of the initial magic of Friday the 13th, and I think most people may have forgotten that. It’s damn fun, the kills are brutal, and it’s PEAK 80s horror.

What’s not to love? Now sit down and eat yer fuckin’ slop, haters.

Editorials

T-U-R-T-L-E POWER! The Everlasting Nostalgia of the 1990 Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles Movie

Image Leave a comment

The date was March 30th, 1990 and nothing, I MEAN NOTHING could have prepared us for the now nostalgic national treasure of the TEENAGE MUTANT NINJA TURTLES movie. With Turtle Mania running hot via the hit animated series, it was the event of the year for pretty much everyone in my age group and beyond. I was seven at the time and a huge fan of the series. I don’t remember a whole lot at this age, but I do remember going to the theater with my dad to see this and oh man… it really was an event for us kids. We were getting a live-action Ninja Turtle movie, y’all. This was better than the Good Humor truck breaking down in front of my house.

The lights dimmed and after a few trailers I don’t even remember because I was too damn excited, we opened up to the skyline of New York City (which greatly pleased my NY-bred father) with April O’Neil dubbing over scenes of young boys with the Foot robbing people blind; along with a brief shot of what we all knew was Shredder’s hand. It was already fucking amazing.

I was already sold and then this happened.

The theater was jam-packed as it was opening weekend Saturday and as someone who was there, I can validate we all collectively lost our shit when after the title credits when they hit the screen. That music started popping and it was all over from there. We were hooked in for a ride that we never wanted to get off from and are still enjoying it well over 30 years later.

There’s just so much to love about this movie paired with a massive load of nostalgia that comes with a viewing, so I’ll try to keep it light without boring you to death. Beyond the obvious wonderful things about TMNT 1990 like Casey Jones and the Jim Henson magic of the Turtles, let’s talk about some minor stuff that gets overlooked that warm all my nostalgic fuzzies and help make this film a nostalgic masterpiece.

That being said, we gotta talk about one of the reasons why this TMNT movie, in particular, is the best- Raphael’s glorious dirty fuckin’ mouth.

Fuck Yeah, Ralph

Before the opening scenes seen above, our hot-headed teenage turtle mutters DAMN and repeats it several times throughout the film with an added Bitchin’ at the film’s end. Honestly, this seems really petty as an adult but in 1990, it was a damn big deal. It was really cool for us kids to see our green machine heroes swear, albeit still PG words but radical nonetheless. However, this paired with the more serious dark tone and use of weapons upset parents because, spoiler alert-people have always been offended by something- and our heroes in a half-shell were toned down immensely for the sequel the following year. I don’t know if anyone ever noticed that in Secret of the Ooze, the turtles do way more hand-to-hand combat rather than relying on their trusty signature weapons of choice, but it’s worth mentioning since that’s the result of pearl-clutching parents of the ’90s.

Fast Food Cameos

Just look at that delightful whopping boxing folks. It’s the little things like this that make the world a better place.

Watching the movie now at 40, it’s fun to see all the retro commercial products inserted for possible material gains like Domino’s and Burger King. Of course, pizza promotions had to be somewhere in this movie, as we all know pizza is GOD to our fab four. Domino’s went pretty heavy in the movie for product placement, but do you remember Pizza Hut had a commercial on the original VHS release right before the movie started? I always found it odd that the rival pizza chains both had a hand in this film, but anyway, here’s a refresher in case memory doesn’t serve you well!

With the huge success of the movie, both Burger King and Pizza Hut went on to do a myriad of promotions within the fast food chains, including BK teaming up with F.H.E to release VHS tapes of the animated series at their restaurants.

Bonus points if you still have yours!

Raphael Meets The Krites

“Where do they come up with this stuff?!”

Just a shameless promotion from New Line for their 1986 film Critters that makes a cameo, but again, it’s the little things like this that have made me fall in love with this movie over and over again. A supposed family-friendly film with a cameo for a horror movie featuring carnivorous little aliens.

Fantastic.

Baby Sam Rockwell

Ahh yes. The Academy Award-winning actor Sam Rockwell played the head thug at the Foot Clan’s hideout. Albeit not his first film, he did appear in the highly controversial Clownhouse a year before, but it’s always nice to know where his adept villainous streak started. Rockwell is great at playing an asshole and let’s face it- anyone happy to keep poor Splinter hung up in a dank smelly hideaway is a pure prick in my book. Just a little tidbit from a superb actor that made us hate the Foot even more.

The VHS Release

October 4, 1990, was the date of infamy when the movie was released nationwide to video stores partnered with Family Home Entertainment and we all ran like there was, a lack of a better phrase, a turtle peeping out our buttholes to the closest retailer to pick up our copy of the film of our generation. Everyone had a copy within the first week and could be seen in every 90s kids’ home for years to come. It was a rite of our passage and youth to have this in our possession, and a beautiful nostalgic revisit as an adult.

While the VHS is indeed our gold standard for nostalgic purposes, Umbrella Entertainment released a special Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles Stink-O-Vision Version Blu-Ray jam-packed with fun for your senses to revisit the movie like nothing ever before. The pack comes with scent cards accompanied with a menu of dank and delicious bespoke scents from Scented Storytelling to enhance the film’s stinkiest moments. Simply scratch the corresponding number on your scent card when the icon flashes on the screen and join Raphael, Leonardo, Michelangelo, and Donatello as they fight to become the city’s greatest mutant crimefighters and take down the nefarious Shredder. 

PICK UP YOUR COPY FROM AMAZON FOR ONLY $26.95!

All that being said, I’ll just leave it here with one of the most important life lessons we took from this movie…

Editorials

Thoughts Concerning the Upcoming He-Man and Masters of the Universe Movie!

Image Leave a comment

Grab your sword and shield, find a jungle cat to throw a saddle on, and you bet your ass it’s time to brandish the coveted powers of Grayskull because we’re going back to Eternia, and I couldn’t be happier! Due to my restless obsessing over MOTU and, to my endless glee, foolhardily giving me a platform to express said obsessions on as much as I want, I’ve spent weeks of my life feverishly writing articles (and hardcore essays) on He-Man and his eternal battle against the best villain ever created, Skeletor. Coincidentally I’ve come to be known (for better or worse) as the Master of the Universe guy around here at Nightmare Nostalgia – a title I wear proud as pearls – and as it so happens a brand-new fancy-ass movie is in the works, and I’ve been asked to share my humblest of thoughts concerning it.

Oh, believe me, I have thoughts a plenty concerning this ambitious project so let’s get right to it and talk about He-Man’s most dangerous adventure yet – walking down the red carpet and up to the silver screen …. again. Sigh hopefully, this second time around doesn’t suck for him.   

Remember the ‘80s?

The decade is practically mythic at this point. An age fraught with peril and forged under the neon heat of Cold War threats. Us kids had no clue how imminent the end of the world was though because we had toys, sugary cereals, and Saturday morning cartoons to keep us focused on how great life really was. And oh my God the only thing better than playing with our favorite toys and watching them on TV was seeing them turned into big-budget action films and hitting a theater near you to flambee our little brains!

Of course, they made a He-Man movie! Kinda a no-brainer when you think about it. We weren’t all that far away from Return of the Jedi or Conan the Destroyer so there was a definite market for space barbarian fantasy at the time, a thing only He-Man could masterfully fulfill. I remember how excited we all got when they first announced the project. Images of swords and sorcery assailed our imaginations as we imagined how epic this hallowed-be-thy-name project had to be. Then the actual movie was released.

If I sat here talking about how great the actual movie was you all would have every right to beat me over the head with a dead trout. We all know the movie sucked. It did, it sucked hard too, even if I always have kinda liked it. I get the fact the movie isn’t just bad. It’s rotten rat-ass bad!

I’m sure when we all thought of a He-Man movie, we couldn’t wait to watch a film more focused on Courtney Cocks than the mysteries of the Power Sword. And if you’re just now scratching your head wondering what the bull-fucking Hell Courtney Cocks has to do with MOTU you’re not alone. Is she an Eternian? Is she part of the Masters? Is she a secret weapon that alone can save the universe? Oh hell no, she’s just some Southern California teenager. She lost her parents in a plane crash or something like that and since we’re watching a MOTU movie no one gives a shit about it. It’s like a whole other movie, some teenage drama, is fist fucked into what should’ve been the stand-out fantasy epic of our lifetime.

What should’ve been a huge adventure across Eternia instead turned out to be more focused on He-Man and the Masters hiding out on planet Earth where (discount-Orco) Gwildor dresses up like an idiot, the Masters eat a bucket of barbeque ribs and at some point, try to communicate with a cow.

Someone also thought it would be super cool to watch Temu Stormtroopers hovering around Mainstreet Americana with He-Man clumsily flailing his sword around swatting them off like obnoxious flies. Skeletor ends up on Earth too and instead of taking over the White House (you know something cool) he gets his maguffin and goes back to Eternia. Everything to do with Earth is entirely pointless! What the fucking Hell were we watching? What were the filmmakers huffing while making this atrocity?

Did anyone want to see He-Man on Earth? No! Did we need to be on Earth to identify with the characters? Of course not! We wanted nothing more than a hellfire action film featuring our favorite heroes and villains battling it out in a fight to the death over the fate of the universe and preferably in the center of Grayskull itself. We had an opportunity to see Eternia brought to life in a cinematic spectacle that should’ve knocked our teeth out and left us begging for more. Instead, people were just begging for it to be over.

Today the movie’s reached a beloved cult status and is appreciated for what it is – a silly ‘80s fantasy flick that fits alongside Legend or the Dark Crystal. Is it a good He-Man movie though? No, it’s not. It is a very good Skeletor movie with Frank Langella dominating the role with monstrous flair. Watch the movie for Skeletor alone I say. Nevertheless, fans were left disappointed, and it seemed as if any hope to ever see a proper He-Man movie was dashed against the rocks.

The movie was so bad that many blame it for the sad decline of the toy sales thus ending MOTU if only for a brief season. Personally, I feel like it had a heavy hand to play in the decline, but I also think some heroes in a half shell also had a little something to do with it too once their toys hit store shelves.

But Manic, I hear you lament, why are you so hung up on rehashing the failures of a past movie? Shouldn’t you just shut the fuck up and let this new project stand on its own feet, you say. You would otherwise be correct to make such an assessment, but I bring up the failures of the Canon film because it would seem no one learned a whole fat load of anything from history,

That being said, no one wants to see He-Man on Earth ever again. Not only is it rumored He-Man will be on Planet Earth (again), but he’ll be stuck working an office job…. oh God why? Why, why, why? Who thinks that’s a good idea? Who do they think wants to see Prince Adam working a desk job?

Recently leaked photos all but confirm those rumors too.

Maybe the Earth scenes are the result of evil magic. Like maybe it’s in Adam’s head and he needs to break free from the illusion? Maybe once he touches the Power Sword the evil spell is broken? Yeah, that’s really stupid I know but no stupider than having He-Man working an office job on fucking Earth! Why are they doing this? It feels like Kryptonite to this movie’s success, and I really don’t feel like seeing history repeating itself.

Time For Redemption

Today we’ve witnessed redemption stories for dead movie adaptations. Previously failed cinematic adventures can now be retooled with the proper respect and love for both the characters and properties and turned into billion-dollar success stories. Super Mario Bros. is a great example of how a movie’s first cinematic flop can be redeemed. That live-action Mario movie was awful, and I was one of those giddy kids sitting at the theater when it first premiered only to be crushed by what I saw. Before Universal Pictures dared return to the Mushroom Kingdom did anyone think a Mario movie could work? And yet it did and was a massive success. It won our hearts over and made us relive some great NES nostalgia.

Another great example of a property rising from failure to success is Dungeons and Dragons. Honestly, I dare you to go back and watch the 1999 D&D movie. I double-dog dare you! It’s worse, so much worse than I even remembered. And then just like a nat-20 roll Dungeons and Dragons: Honor Among Thieves was nothing short of a Critical Success! The same could easily be true for MOTU.  Do it right and the fans will support the movie. It’s not complicated.

Today filmmakers can bring projects like Avatar or The Lord of the Rings to thrilling life. The special effects of today can absolutely bring Eternia to life in ways Canon could only dream of back in the ‘80s. Langella was stuck performing behind some questionable prosthetics but still mastered the role as the Lord of Destruction. Today they can make Skeletor look like a demonic overlord hellbent on conquering the universe while remaining faithful to the classic look we all love.

Special effects artists have the unique opportunity to bring these larger-than-life characters to the big screen! Think of it – Battlecat, Panthor, and Orko all have a chance to thrive at last whereas before there was no way to add them in any live-action attempt. Bottomline there’s no excuse for this movie to fail.

Casting Choices and Concerns

So far, I’ve been impressed with the casting choices. I mean so far, I’m not all worked up by any of their decisions. Hollywood is notorious for miscasting people all the damn time, but this time around we might be ok.  I mean I like seeing the actors hitting the gym to get buffed up for their respected roles. That’s what we need out of them. They need to fill in the armor and loincloths after all.

But what about Jared Leto, I hear some of you ask. I don’t have any issue with Jared Leto’s involvement honestly. Yeah, he was in some shitty movies, but he’s also been in some fan favorites too. He was in Fight Club and American Psycho to name a couple. Not to mention Leto does look like a cool Keldor.

People love pointing to Moebius to rip on the guy, but I argue nobody could save that movie no matter who was cast for the part. The movie was a shit puddle. People also love to criticize his Joker role but then Leto turned around and gave us a chilling portrayal of Joker in the epilogue of Snyder’s Justice League and people sang his praises. Point being give him a chance.

I remember when the internet lost its shit over Heath Ledger being cast as Joker in Nolan’s The Dark Knight. Oh, don’t act like you didn’t bitch about it because we all did. I bitched the loudest…and then I had to eat crow.  It’s easy to get wrapped up in internet raging is all I’m saying.

You can tell I’m trying to be hopeful here. I want to like this movie. I want to love this movie! I’ll make a promise right now that if this movie’s good I’ll go see it every single week it plays at the theater. I’m dead serious. Give me a good MOTU movie and I’ll see it as often as possible. Make a great movie and I’ll watch it multiple times in the same day.

That Earth crap though already gives the movie a huge obstacle to overcome.

Having said all that if, and I mean a big if, we get Earth out of the way early on and the rest of the movie is totally on Eternia toting us across both Grayskull and Snake Mountain and with the Masters at war against the evil forces of Skeletor maybe, just maybe, all the action and excitement can wash away Earth’s hideous taint.

We will see. As it stands now the movie already has that working strongly against it. So, if the movie manages to excel despite all of that it’ll prove its merit.

Look, MOTU isn’t hard to make work. It’s brimming with adventure, fantasy, whimsy, magic, romance, and a clear moral tale about good vs evil. It’s everything the human soul thrives on for inspiration. It’s how a simple toy line has stayed alive (off and on granted) for 40 years. It’s gone beyond a nostalgia trip back to the past. The lore continues to reinvent itself and find new fans across every generation. It’s because it speaks to us all. Horror, monsters, dragons, demons – lightness and comedy with bumbling wizards and yet galaxy-binding sorcery. MOTU is brimming with inspiration.

So good luck to everyone involved with this upcoming project. I have faith that it could be awesome.

If nothing else maybe it’ll be reason enough for a MOTU game to finally be released with all the hype now surrounding the movie. Come on, make a video game happen for crying out loud!

Manic out!