I don’t think I’m alone here when I claim there was nothing scarier on Prime-time TV than the glorious sounds and visuals of Unsolved Mysteries. Tuesday nights were always reserved for Robert Stack with me and my grandmother, and it was around the age of 7 when I had first laid my peelers on the majestic stance of the Stack and felt such excitement along with being scared shitless. Upon each week’s new episode of thrills, murder, and the paranormal after a fresh viewing, I would feel a sense of paranoia thinking escaped murderers were lurking in my backyard bushes. But, that was the magic ofUnsolved Mysteries, and watching it again with adult eyes thanks to the likes of FilmRise and other streaming apps, only validates it’s just as creepy now as it was over 35 years ago.
Each featured case was substantially creepy on its own, however, one, in particular, stood out to me in memory, and it has been cut and lost as the syndication gods butchered the episode, (and in truth-many others as well); compiling the segments into other episodes. Which totally fucks with my OCD and my memory. But hey, they released most of the episodes, and they are readily available to watch. I’m trying to keep in mind, a few years ago, it was nearly impossible to find any. So I’ll keep my bitching to a minimum. Anyways, we’re talking about the episode that aired October 26th, 1988- THE UNSOLVED MYSTERIES HALLOWEEN GHOST SPECIAL! Or Spooktacular- I prefer the latter.
We all know the legendary Queen Mary is an infamous supernatural ship. However, Unsolved goes balls deep, probably for the first time ever, on network television with eyewitness reports from employees and guests of the Mary ranging from weird noises to a woman saying she saw the ghost of an old lady diving into the ship’s swimming pool.
The Tallman’s Ghost segment lives in infamy in the minds of every 80s kid who watched this episode, and we’ve never been the same since. Listen, every episode of UM is sufficiently creepy on its own- but this one, however, scared the ever-loving piss out of me- and it seems like everyone else too. A family picks up a wooden bunk bed that is well — apparently haunted as the family’s children begin experiencing severe illness, whisperings of death threats from beyond the grave, and visions of arson to their own home… all wonderful things that come along with a demonic bunk bed from Hell.
Spirits from the 1800s seem to genuinely love this restaurant and Inn-including some famous ones like Edgar Allen Poe who had reportedly stayed there at one point. I wonder what’s on the menu… oh, that’s right, DECAPITATED HEADS! Yummo.
Lastly, we have the adorable Florida retired couple who harbor a ghostly roommate in their home, Jim and Kay Tatum. Occurrences of sounds of coins falling in a bowl, a mechanic drill turning on by themselves, and the ringing of bells throughout the house had Kay, specifically, believing their Floridian dwelling contained some sort of entity.
Was it just paranoia? Or was it ghooOOOosts? Either way, they’re a cute couple, so I couldn’t care less if they’re making up stories. You decide. Let’s watch the full episode in its entirety, thanks to the Internet Archive!
In 1939, the literary works of L. Frank Baum landed on the big screen in the timeless masterpiece TheWizard of Oz opened a portal of visual fantasy and storytelling the likes have never seen before and, for generations, has undoubtedly, reserved its place as a landmark of important cinema. However, fans, then and to this day, of the original books know damn well the movie is lacking in the wild and incubus spirit of Baum’s Oz books.
50 years later, the Wheelers and decapitated screaming heads remedied that complaint.
In the early 80s, Disney Studios had a beautiful streak of what we now know as, the Dark Disney days when the films coming out of the family-friendly studios leaned into an almost horror gateway for kids with the dark and serious undertones. Also, it’s my favorite Disney era where armies of skeletons ran amok in The Black Cauldron with no whimsical, musical interruptions. For years, the studio had hoped to one day create a follow-up to The Wizard of Oz and as such bought the rights to the remaining books in the series. Walter Murch who expressed an interest in the project, (editor for The Godfather and Apocalypse Now), met with Disney and ultimately gave the audiences of 1985 his directorial debut with Return to Oz.
Now the decapitated heads are making a lot more sense, eh? Actually, for those not in the know, that bit was taken from Baum’s “The Marvelous Land Of Oz”, along with Mombi and The Wheelers who made their debut in the second book of the OZ series. So, it was certainly faithful to the source material!
Much like Grimm’s Fairy Tales, Baum’s OZ series had some seriously dark content and, as the books rolled out through the years, they became even more nightmare-inducing as the readers matured and began noticing the horrors of the reality surrounding them. Especially since a few of them were released during the first World War. So much for escapism, eh? Murch very much wanted to capture Frank L. Baum’s true vision, so it was quite a shock to audiences when instead of getting an Over The Rainbow, munchkin giddy, heart-warming tale, we got a rotted and broken Yellow Brick Road, all of OZ pretty much dead by way of turning to stone, and Dorothy sent to the mental institution for shock treatment. And it all takes place in the month of October.
IT’S A HALLOWEEN HORROR MOVIE WITH OZ AS A BACKDROP. And I will die on this hill.
The film opens on an age-appropriate Dorothy (eleven-year-old Fairuza Balk), six months after the tornado hit Kansas. The joyful bedside reunion at the end of TheWizard Of Oz is now replaced with Aunt Em’s (Piper Laurie from Carrie fame) growing concern over her troubled niece who now, can’t sleep and won’t stop mumbling about walking scarecrows and ruby slippers. So what’s their ideal solution? Electric shock therapy, folks. From this point on, the film starts doing what it does best: scaring kids from here to next Tuesday… and I’M HERE FOR IT!
The Patients Have Been Damaged
After being dropped off at a turn-of-the-century hospital, Dorothy is locked in her room, where a young girl appears at her door like a damn ghost holding a porcelain jack-o-lantern, giving Balk a friendly reminder that Halloween is soon… and quickly disappears as quick as she came. The psychiatric hospital sequence is creepy as hell and might be some of the film’s most brilliant and effective shots, especially by borrowing some staple shots from the horror genre. A storm suddenly erupts, a menacing zoom on a closed door, and light bulbs swing from the ceiling. It’s all textbook horror tropes that we all know something sinister is afoot and the fuckery is about to commence.
As Dorothy is strapped down and left alone after, surprise, the storm takes the electricity out, the ghostly girl appears once again and releases Dorothy while telling her this doctor is pretty much insane and has patients damaged… locked in the cellar. It’s time to flee, girls! But alas, a raging river caused by the storm separates the girls and Gale floats off to Oz, while her companion drowns. At least that’s what is presumed, anyway-in a deleted scene, she was never found. Towards the end, the girl is revealed to be OZMA, the Queen and rightful ruler of OZ. All of which leads me to believe, and it’s just my own theory, that she returned to her imprisoned place in Oz, which was back inside the mirrors.
A Gloomy OZ
Once Dorothy reaches her OZ destination with one of her chickens from the Gale farm, Belina, who is magically at her side and able to talk, we’re immediately taken into what a dangerous place OZ truly is. From the Deadly Desert where if your feet touch the sand, you do the Crissy Crumble into sand yourself, to the Yellow Brick Road destroyed-The Land of Oz has become a desolate place where life has just dissipated. The atmosphere itself from Dorothy’s first step back into this once fantastical world is pure doom and gloom with such a sinister presence. Even the trees mock her as she races towards OZ.
Oh and the rocks. Those smirky rocks. The entire sequence gives off a something is fucked up here is a very creepy place and I love it. And the empty Oz sets the stage for the arrival of one of Baum’s scariest inventions, the Wheelers.
The Wheelers, Mombi, and The Nome King
Instead of just dodging a pissed off witch, Gale, and company have to duck and dive through an entire gang of entirely fucked up antagonists that are 1000 times worse than “I’ll get you my little pretty“.
The Wheelers are a hybrid of human with squeaky shopping cart wheels for appendages cyberpunk gang, and are the stuff of nightmares folks.
For those that never caught it, the nails on the chalkboard sound they make on their approach, the same screech we last hear from the unoiled hospital trolley wheels as Dorothy is being pushed to shock therapy. Quite a nice touch and devious as hell.
The witch Mombi, for me as a kid, was outright horrifying. When Dorothy meets with Mombi she is taken to a room filled with disembodied heads locked in cabinets that stare at her as she walks past, and then reveals she like Dorothy’s head as well so she’s just gonna keep her locked up in a room until she’s ready to take it for herself.
With the help of Jack Pumpkinhead, who was imprisoned alongside her, Dorothy breaks out and makes her way into the severed head room to steal the Powder of Life while all the heads are asleep.. She accidentally wakes them all up, and they all start screaming their heads off… heh…to awaken a headless Mombi. It’s probably the single most horrifying scene in a children’s film.
That “Dorothy Gaaaaaale!” screech haunts me in my sleep.
And then, there’s the Nome King, who is pretty much responsible for OZ being in ruins and the Scarecrow’s disappearance along with turning the residents of the Emerald City to stone and making trinkets out of the important figures. His claymation minions have been seen throughout the picture to spy on Dorothy and pull Frankie Howerd faces- and he’s been able to do this all with the help of the Ruby Slippers that “just fell out of the sky one day” and he seized them along with an opportunity to rule over OZ’s inhabitants.
This is one gnarly and diabolical motherfucker. Mombi and The Wheelers are horrifying on their own, but they tremble in his presence. And when he learns that Mombi had Dorothy and let her escape… let me rephrase that, “LET HER ESCAPE!!!!!!” he turns into a fucking nightmare and is ready to kill Dorothy and her friends, starting with Jack as he look like a delicious Pre-Thanksgiving pumpkin Pie to him. That is until Belina shits an egg in his mouth. Apparently, eggs are poison to nomes. Go figure, eh?
This entire scene is just a carnival of nightmares. The Scareceow is running around with a very alive head of the Gump, (what is with Baum and severed heads)? The absolute terror on all of their faces speaking of which, gotta love those effects done on Jack where he can express these emotions with the extension of just his head, and the labyrinth of wall nomes screeching along the way. Not to mention the Nome King’s slow death. Dark Disney rules.
Jack Pumpkinhead and the Gang of Misfits
Beyond the obvious horror tropes this movie reeks beautifully of and the fact it’s notably set place in October 1899, perhaps one of the most obvious nods that seals the deal to make this a Halloween treat of a film, is Jack Pumpkinhead.
Put together by OZMA, the Queen of Oz in an attempt to use him to scare off Mombi, he is instead captured by the witch because he basically has the mannerisms of a 6-year-old who just wants his “mom”. He isn’t scary by any means, but he sure is adorable.
Worth noting that Tim Burton himself has cited that the inspiration behind Jack Skellington in THE NIGHTMARE BEFORE CHRISTMAS was good ol’ Jack here from RETURN TO OZ.
With all that said, with the film undoubtedly labeled as a dark fantasy, I’ve always considered RETURN TO OZ even more so, a gateway to horror and a wonderous unintentional movie to watch during the Halloween season. The setting is just right to hit all the notes to give me those pre-Halloween fuzzies. Plus, the movie just rules in itself. In my humble opinion, it’s the BEST OZ movie ever done, outshining the 1939 classic. Yeah, I said it. Fight me.
RETURN TO OZ is currently streaming on Disney+. For me personally, I’ll just watch it on my old Maxwell VHS where it was recorded for me when I was three; right in betweenGREMLINS and GARFIELD’S HALLOWEEN ADVENTURE. It’s the only way to honor this delightful Halloween treat.
It was a sunny Spring weekend day in 1992. I had completed my Saturday morning ritual of waking up at 7 AM to catch the Saturday morning cartoon lineup with my TMNT aluminum TV tray adorned with Froot Loops cereal and my juice box of Hawaiian Punch, followed by the ever-so-important one-hour block of WWF Superstars. So it was time to get dressed, hop on my bike, and make the one-mile trip down to my local strip mall that held McDonald’s, Little Ceasers, Osco Drug Store, Smiths, Naugles, and of course, the whole reason for the visit, my local mom and pop video shop, ACTION VIDEO, to get my horror movie weekend fix.
With my orange rental punch card in hand, I headed straight to the horror section, and I was immediately stopped by Kelly, one of the clerks who knew my horror-loving 10-year-old ass by name at this point and directed me towards one of the new rentals they had just got in a few days prior: DEMONIC TOYS.
Credit: VHSCollector.com
WALP. Even with a first look, it had plenty of boxes checked already! Killer toys? Check. One of them a clown? Check. Full Moon Features? DOUBLE CHECK. I didn’t even care what it was about, I was already sold on the cover alone-which was the main marketing appeal to many straight-to-video horror movies at the time. Add to the fact that movies about killer toys and dolls were HOT in the late 80s and 90s thanks to Chucky and CHILD’S PLAY for the killer doll resurgence in 1988 that spawned a ton of glorious films from various studios featuring homicidal playthings. Case in point, the killer-doll-genre was one, I, and still am, became obsessed with. So anything involving such, I was all in. PLUS, it was FULL MOON and Charles Band, who started my love for the genre, (no, it wasn’t Chucky) but with his collaboration with Stuart Gordon on the 1987 cult classic DOLLS; another movie that caught my attention purely because of the VHS cover alone and a true love for maniacal dolls was born.
I happily got my rental card punched, went to grab a chicken nugget Happy Meal, and rode my bike home to enter the world of Demonic Toys with my BACK TO THE FUTURE: ANIMATED SERIES Happy Meal in tow.
CHUNK STYLE chickie nugg nuggs of course.
For those unfamiliar with DEMONIC TOYS, here’s the basic deal, and mind you, this is 90s B-MOVIE at its peak: After a drug deal bust goes south and her partner/ boyfriend is killed, a policewoman follows a pair of thugs into an abandoned toy warehouse where, ultimately, her fate and the future of the world rest upon her… and her womb. The cop, Judith, played by Tracy Scoggins, has been having dreams of her and two little boys. The children, of the same age, yet one more sinister looking than the other, are playing a game of WAR with playing cards; clearly foreshadowing a game of tug-of-war between good and evil. And evil is the devil who was buried underneath this warehouse and brought to life by the blood of one of the thugs. But, he needs to be officially born into this world and enter trying to get inside Judith’s womb to become legit.
This fuckin’ guy…
The toys in the warehouse are ALSO possessed by said demon and are there to ensure the implantation of the Antichrist happens, and will walk, talk, and even shit their pants to secure the process. Judith, along with a burly security guard, a Chunky Chicken delivery driver, and a teenage runaway spend the night in the warehouse fending themselves off from the likes of an evil Jack in the Box, a crazed Teddy Bear, and Baby Oopsie Daisy among other possessed toys, and it’s the most ridiculous kind of cheesy chaos that you could imagine. By that meaning, the most delectable form of horror movie cheese one could devour. I don’t know how the demon can inhabit multiple toys and also show itself as a young boy, but that’s really neither here nor there because logical plotlines are not part of this movie’s agenda. Just go with it, eh?
I can definitely say that this line became a part of my regular rotation in language for the year of 1992.
That being said, let us honor Charles Band, the Patron Saint of B-Killer Doll horror films, who successfully executed an entire brand name under the idea of inanimate toys and dolls coming to life and murdering people. And a special shout-out to the Mom and Pop video stores who made sure to supply us with plenty of his movies, including this 90s cult classic in which I do believe, is how many of us first saw it. And this is my Toy Story.