The 80s were a fantastic time to be a kid and a horror fan. If you were a product of this generation, chances are you were traumatized in one way or another by the dark delicacies of the media that gave absolutely ZERO fucks about not softening any blows when it came to life lessons in the form of movies and television. Whether it was watching Punky Brewster’s friend Cherie almost die in a fridge, or your grandma popping in a freshly rented VHS flick called WATERSHIP DOWN for the grandkids to watch because she thought it was a “lovely Easter movie”, we got hit with some messed up visuals that would never get past a writer’s discussion room in modern society. Which kind of pisses me off because I want my kids to experience something as cool and terrifying as a movie about the beloved Dorothy Gale getting sent to electric shock therapy and then facing off with a headless witch.

That’s some bullshit.

Anyway, one of the greatest culprits of true nightmare nostalgia for our childhood era is the great Don Bluth. For anyone unfamiliar or for Gen Z’ers, Don Bluth was a former Disney animator who made his mark as early as 1959 with Walt Disney’s SLEEPING BEAUTY, with his last animation directing credit with THE FOX AND THE HOUND before he left to start his own company in 1979- DON BLUTH ENTERTAINMENT. During the 1980s and 90s, he made a slew of gorgeous animated films that also, in turn, traumatized the shit out of a generation of kids.

And one animation for a video arcade game that I WOULD DIE TO SEE as a full-length movie.

Don Bluth radically distanced himself from his Disney days with animation he felt was more “pure” to the craft by keeping the hand drawn cel the way to go with his continuing work. The result was always one of passion and masterful craftsmanship that really pushed home some of the dark, and gritty themes Bluth films went balls deep with. That’s how you’ll always know you’re watch a DB movie. It always feels like something sinister is lurking right around the corner with the unnerving way he animated these films and of course, a central character always dies or has some type of serious traumatic event happen that in turn, spills into our own emotions, successfully grounding us into a euphoric depression. And I think somehow, as kids while it may have traumatized us, those moments served also as lessons that we, as children, needed to both see and hear for our own exponential growth and how to grieve in our own way.

Don Bluth never shied away from dealing with the shadows that are the human journey. Dealing with themes of sadness, loss, anger, and death remains a staple in almost all of his films. There were even moments where I felt like he was fucking with us and our emotions even more: Like when Littlefoot sees the shadow of what looks like his recently deceased mother but turns out to be his own, and he just sinks even deeper into depression. I was literally seven and screamed “FUCK YOU” to the screen while shedding my own tears; like goddamn was that necessary? But you know, looking back, it absolutely was. These are stages of grief, and it’s seen from the perspective of a child who had his world shattered. It really showed us kids that life isn’t all sunshine and fairytale castles. Bluth said, “This is life, little people. It’s a wild ride of emotions, and we need to talk about the realities of it.- also, fuck your feelings very much.”

That’s the best way I can describe a Bluth film, anyway. Narrowing it down to the top five movies that stayed with us through our childhood into adulthood from the DON of DARK ANIMATION was slightly challenging, but I think I got it right.

5. ANASTASIA (1997)

The legend of Anastasia comes to life in this late 90s Bluth entry about an orphaned Russian girl, the revolution surrounding her country, and the real-life villain of Rasputin (voiced by Christopher Lloyd). The animated reimagining of one of history’s darkest figures for a children’s film consists of the “wizard” in scenes where we see his eyes pop out, his jaws falling off as he lingers somewhere between life and death; much like the real Rasputin, who was infamously hard to kill, or so legend says. I mean, sure, what kid doesn’t love to see a decomposing evil wizard corpse do a full-on song and dance routine with his body parts popping off?

4. AN AMERICAN TAIL (1986)

AN AMERICAN TAIL was a personal favorite of mine as a little kid. The story of mice immigrants coming to America on a ship from Russia with SURPRISE, one little mouse named Fievel getting thrown overboard and being separated from his family; leaving little Fievel Mouskawitz on his own to navigate America on his own while he searches for his loved ones who presume him dead. This movie is where I also started to notice that perhaps Bluth is a dog guy rather than a cat person. I swear every film he makes, cats are villainous, vile creatures! Except for Tiger, anyway. The hoards of cats are almost downright terrifying and they really label them as bad animals! I suppose this was done metaphorically as immigrants, once upon a time, came to America thinking there was no violence in the streets. No cats in America? LOL. Let’s just stick with he hates cats.

That being said, Sir Derp of Derp of Pazuzu would like a word, sir.

With that out of my system, from the wave monster arising from the Atlantic Ocean that beats the hell out of the ship, and the reason Fievel gets knocked out to sea, to the Giant Mouse of Minsk, those two scenes in particular were visually pretty damn horrifying in such a beautifully artistic way. As a four-year-old, it successfully gave me nightmares, so hats off to a giant wooden rat with 20-foot-long teeth and the fact I would never ride on a boat until my teens because I was pretty sure I was going to get pummeled by a 100-foot wave monster man.

3. THE LAND BEFORE TIME (1988)

Yeah, well, we all very much know where this one is headed. One of Bluth’s most tragic films here just exhumes sadness at almost every turn leaning into the age of the dinosaur and the background of historic events that plagued the Earth at this time. Let’s also throw in a heavy scene where a mother is fighting to protect her child from being eaten by a T Rex and getting killed in the process. Exit stage left to an elongated scene of utter turmoil, and the dying mother mutters some final words of wisdom to her little one that “she’ll always be with him”. Make sure you have that Pizza Hut tie-in toy ready to clutch- If you don’t cry at this scene, you just might be a sociopath.

2. THE SECRET OF NIMH (1982)

An animal lover such as myself can find this movie extremely disturbing. Aside from all the beautifully dark imagery, the underlying tale of NIMH is sufficiently evil all on its own. Touching on the very real issues of cruel animal testing, rats and mice were taken to the NIMH labs and injected with needles full of fuck knows what.

One of these experiments led to their advanced intelligence and eventual escape, which brings us to another terrifying tale revolving around the struggles of love, betrayal, and ultimate power with the wife of one of the escaped NIMH mice, Mrs. Frisbey is on a journey to save her dying son.

Oh, and don’t forget again, the vicious terrible cat villain of the film!

Also, I can’t be the only one who thought that damn cave of bones-dwelling owl, was completely terrifying with those glowing eyes and no-nonsense demeanor. In fact, I know I wasn’t. So I’ll just leave Big Daddy Owl here for him to drum up some traumatic memories.

1. ALL DOGS GO TO HEAVEN (1989)

There are a few movies in my life that I make the conscious choice to never revisit, and ALL DOGS GO TO HEAVEN is one of them. It’s not because it’s a bad movie, it’s just that it’s way too sad. Again, being an animal lover, the last thing I wanted to face as a child was that my dog was, eventually, going to die. And while the sentiment of storytelling is that of the main title unless your dog is an absolute piece of shit I guess, is supposed to offer some comfort, all it did was make me cry- and a lot of other kids too. Hell, the story starts out of trauma hell already with street thug Charlie (voiced by Burt Reynolds), our main character mutt, being murdered and sent to Heaven where he of course can’t help himself and steals a pocket watch that allows him more time. Oh, but there’s punishment for that: when the watch stops ticking, he will be sent straight to Hell, where we get a nice sneak of it with dog skeletons and cat demons (because Bluth thinks kitties are the devil, right)!

He then befriends an orphaned little girl named Anne Marie who has been kidnapped and – you guessed it – coerced into forced labor by Carface, an evil dog who is also Charlie’s old partner and yep, murderer. Charlie forms a deep bond with the orphaned little girl, proving that his hardened heart can be softened but of course, dies at the end when she needs him most. However, the change in his attitude allows him to enter the pearly gates this time, for good.

What kills me most I think is learning about the death of Judith Barsi who voiced both little Anne Marie and Ducky (The Land Before Time) in a tragic murder-suicide at the hands of her abusive father after the fact, which really seals the deal in just how sad this movie really is.

Yeah, perfect bedtime story material, folks.

Now excuse me while I go wipe my face from cutting all these onions and go hug my animals.