Time to saturate my blog with yet another Halloween post, and no fucks are given at this point — especially when it comes to HALLOWEEN 4.
In the spirit of the spooky season, Halloween “ghoul logs” have become a popular ambiance effect added to our seasonal mood-enhancing routines, modeled after the infamous Yule Log. Horror’s favorite channel Shudder recognized this need with their new addition to the Ghoul Log to the site’s streaming service; adding several options with a typical scary Jack-O, and the Trick R Treat effect. However, YouTube offers other options for those who choose to go another direction, like Brandon Tobatto or Sinister, who has uploaded a couple of glorious pieces of ambiance you can stream directly to your computer or TV via the YouTube app. And yep, you guessed it- It’s all about HALLOWEEN 4.
I’ve gone off numerous times about how much I enjoy the sinister ambiance ofThe Return of Michael Myers, and I’m just glad someone who feels the same way I do, decided to put this beautiful hour-and-thirty-three-minute long neighborhood and opener mood setting from the film into a Ghoul Log of its own. The windy streets, subtle hues of black and blue, along with all the houses Rachel and Jamie encountered on their fateful night of trick or treating are all featured in a continuous slide show of peaceful yet sinister Halloween nostalgia in one. The other is that GORGEOUS Halloween opener that gives off that perfect feeling of an eerie countryside Halloween vibe that I, and many others, are completely obsessed with. Both are winners, here. And so are we for having them.
The HALLOWEENfranchise is, without a doubt, a favorite topic of discussion here on NN and if you’ve ever looked at my list of pieces whether here on this blog, or elsewhere I’ve written for the past 10 years, you’ll come to the very correct conclusion that yes, I’m a superfan and could probably write about the subject forever without repeating myself once. However, there’s one thing that hasn’t been discussed by me, or really much anywhere, and that’s a hot take on who in the entire series of films actually deserved to die in these movies. Sure, there’s been talks here and there in forums; perhaps an article by some dopey website that aren’t even catered to horror fans. So, as a superfan myself, I’m obliged to take on the task, throw my rage at the keyboard and say “FUCK THESE GUYS, THEY HAD IT COMING.”
And no, as annoying as Tina can be in HALLOWEEN 5, she didn’t make the cut.
So let’s start slashing our way into these insufferable sons of bitches.
10. Bob (HALLOWEEN 1978)
If you’re wondering why I think Bob deserved to be strung up in the Wallace’s kitchen, the guy DID joke about ripping an eight-year-old girl’s clothes off. Plus because of his death, we wouldn’t have gotten one of the coolest shots of the entire franchise right here:
9. Kelly Meeker(HALLOWEEN 4)
The Haddonfield homewrecker, Kelly Meeker, the sheriff’s daughter, is just a total bitch. When Rachel confronted this hoe about sleeping with her boyfriend Brady (another fucking hoe) Kelly basically told Rachel that it was her fault that her man looked away and decided to spend Halloween with her instead. Ugh. She had it coming when Myers cleverly used a shotgun on her without pulling the trigger. Also, thanks for the Halloween costume inspiration!
But seriously, much love to the sweetheart that is Kathleen Kinmont. Only a fantastic actress can make us hate like that.
8. Mikey (HALLOWEEN 5)
An obvious choice if there ever was one. This prick had zero redeeming qualities. The guy only cared about his car and his dick. Tina, honey. You almost made the list because of your “electric connection” to toxic men.
Al least when you were riding with Mikey 2.0, you weren’t being verbally abused.
7. Pretty Much Everyone in HALLOWEEN: RESURRECTION
I’m just going to make a bold statement and say that every single person who died in HALLOWEEN RESURRECTION, had it coming and I felt not a bit of sorry for any of them-including Laurie Strode. Everybody was just so dumb – downed and straight up intolerable. Be it their lack of common sense (Laurie with her wanting to “make sure” and that cameraman who just stood there waiting for Michael to slash his ass), or the entitlement of the entire cast of the “Internet reality show”. I literally cheered for every single one of them to go down. And let’s face it- the one guy who isn’t even really an actor per se, Busta Rhymes, is the only watchable thing in this movie at all.
Shout outHorror Netfor putting together this kill count for RESURRECTION.
6. John Strode(HALLOWEEN 6)
Another no brainer is the abusive piece of shit John Strode. The uncle of Laurie Strode is one we were all very happy to see go down when it fianlly happened- and the fact it was extra violent was even more bittersweet. Smacking around your wife and kids in a horror movie gets your head blown up. Those are the rules!
5. Dr. Ranbir Sartain(HALLOWEEN 2018)
The idea of an anti-Loomis running around Haddonfield is entertaining. But I think Micheal was just as tired of hearing him talk as the audience was. Totally deserved that curb stomp. We can all only hope that we possess the superhuman strength, endurance, and durability in our 60s that Michael Myers has in this movie.
4. The Coroner Paramedics (Rob Zombie’s HALLOWEEN 2)
As much as I despise this movie and quite frankly, think pretty much everyone in Rob Zombie’s HALLOWEEN flicks deserve what they get, this scene in particular in RZ’s H2 is fairly satisfying and brutal enough to win a Golden Chainsaw award in 2010. The pair of nasty jackasses “joking” about necrophilia with dead women was enough for me to give this film a shout-out when Michael did his thing. And it was a beautiful service for the rest of us.
3. Ronnie (Rob Zombie’s HALLOWEEN 2007)
I don’t even need to explain this one-just roll that beautiful bean footage. I do think he got off way too easy though.
2. The Entire Halloween Kills Mob That Made Lance Tivoli Commit Suicide
EVIL DIES TONIGHT. And you know what, it sort of does when this asshole mob out of pure fear, drive a man, Lance Tivoli, to his own death in a case of mistaken identity as the mob believes him to be Myers unmasked. To make it worse, the man suffered from severe mental illness. It’s a terrible tragedy to have someone who cries out for help, actively seeking medical assistance, and suffers a deathly fate for simply existing. So yes; I’m gonna let Joker take this one for Tommy Doyle and the mob of Haddonfield:
1. Michael Myers (Halloween Ends)
If you’re shocked to see Myers at number one, you just might be a sociopath. Listen, he did humanity a couple of favors by ridding a few insufferable twats from the Earth. But he also killed a lot of innocent people too, and plenty who didn’t deserve it. Danny Trejo anyone? I think the way he died was a bit weak and sort of a cop out, but then again there’s a lot I don’t agree with HALLOWEEN ENDS, and it has nothing to do with Corey. I actually thought him being the new Myers was a cool direction to go- until they killed him and fucked up their own potential. But eh, take what we can get for now, I guess. Let’s just hope the next set of reboot films gets things right this time.
Before anyone asks me why I didn’t place Conal Cochran on here, it’s because he knows his Halloween folklore, so he gets a pass from me. I respect that kind of knowledge.
One of the greatest memories of my childhood was the multitude of horror movies that were introduced to me through my Dad and Grandfather (Pop-we called him). Pop was a passionate fan of ALL Universal Horror Monsters films, and on top of watching them endlessly by his side on the nights the grandparents would babysit, I would often admire his complete Universal Monsters VHS Collection and the artwork embodied within it. However, my Dad, albeit a super Frankenstein himself, was more on the Slasher spectrum. And, by the way, is the biggest John Carpenter’s Halloween fan I know. It sounds biased, but being inside the horror community for fifteen years, I stand by that statement- and you could read more about that here.
That being said, the Halloween films were a pretty standard rotation in the ole’ VCR growing up and hell still are. And while I’ve found this to be a pretty common list among the horror website interwebs, they sure as shit aren’t my opinion and that of the greatest Halloween fan I know! So, here we go: Nightmare Nostalgia’s official ranking of all the Halloween opening credits!
I truly feel like I’m really going to make some of you mad. BUT, just remember, my opinion is not yours and we can all agree to disagree!
And no: I’m not including the Rob Zombie versions because of NO.
With many fans, Resurrection ranks dead last in pretty much all aspects; and here on this list is no exception. Following a very generic version of John Carpenter’s classic tune paired with pitch-black backgrounds and orange credit lettering, we stroll down the halls of the Grace Sanitarium Institution where we meet a seemingly docile Laurie and a pair of nurses who narrate to the audience the very bullshit story of why she’s there. It just sucks when in comparison to ALL the others. Sorry, not sorry.
In my opinion, and well that’s what this all is, Curse’s opening doesn’t fair much better than Resurrection. The only reason it’s a slot higher is that it’s a lot shorter. The messy intro here that clumsily inserts parts of the film in the damn thing merely sets the tone for the rest of it. One big mess. However, as big a mess as it is, it still isn’t the worst in the franchise by far. Resurrection still holds that title belt.
Ahhh, here we are. The last of the original pumpkin intros in the franchise-up until 2018 of course when they resurrected it. Personally, I rather enjoy the low-key angry tone behind this one in combination with the process of what I would call, The Wild Maniac World of Pumpkin Carving Sports here. However, compared to others before it, it falls short.
The cool newspaper clippings and a throwback to Samuel Loomis speaking his infamous words on what Myers eternally represents is a pretty cool change and so very 90s.
Halloween Kills may have been a shitshow as far as a decent follow-up to its 2018 predecessor, but at least the pumpkin opening credits were on point. In fact, it’s probably the best party of the whole movie, aside from the throwbacks from the original film.
One can certainly appreciate the return of the pumpkin intro via the 2018 franchise’s homecoming. And in such a unique form as the jack-o-lantern has fallen flat and laid dormant for many years, only to be blown up into its original form. Like it never missed a beat. Truly an honorable way to start the Myers madness again!
For many fans, it seems, Halloween Ends falls way down in the ranks as far as a decent film in the franchise. I definitely have my own opinions on what worked and what didn’t. But overall, it’s certainly not a bad movie. As a huge fan of Halloween III, I can totally appreciate the homage to Season of the Witch here and the idea of Myers passing the torch. Although they’ve tried to do this many times in slasher films, it feels like the studios can’t grow the balls to actually go through with it. I would be OK with Corey continuing the legacy. But now, and it will happen again, we’ll just get another goddamn reboot in 10 years. Oh well, at least the opening rules.
Alright. This is the one that MIGHT trigger some pissed-off feelings from fellow fans with regard to ranking. But, I feel like some of the follow-ups were just a smidge more intriguing to my senses. It’s classic, simple, and a perfect start to the Haddonfield journey, whereas the original film was simplistic yet effectively terrifying.
Love the movie or hate it (and yes it’s still an argument), you are very wrong if you deny the magnificence of thy Magic Pumpkin paired with a sinister synthesizer. The onset of the 80s’ included the launch of a new wave and MTV and this was a perfect representation of what early 80s horror films looked and sounded like. It’s just a staple of an era that many have since used as inspiration- including Stranger Things.
The return of Myers meant a ditch off the recurring pumpkin intro this time around with a spine-chilling sequence of a sunset on a farm instead. The ambiance of a sinister Autumn setting with the low-tone score, the winds blowing, and Halloween decorations swaying in the breeze always struck the skeevies chord with me. That Michael is still out there. Waiting- and coming soon.
There is just no way in Haddonfield Hell that anyone can convince me otherwise that the sequel to the original isn’t the greatest goddamn gift we’ve ever been given in this franchise. Well, as far as appeasing intros are concerned, anyway. Opening with the events of the last film spilling over to start the continuing journey of cat and mouse between Myers and Laurie, we roll into a perplexed Loomis staggering outside the Doyle home to the spot where Michael had dropped, and only a pool of blood remains. Garnering attention from (finally) a nosy neighbor who has ignored all the blood-curdling screams, and apparently is just NOW paying attention to what’s been going on right next door, annoyingly asks if this is a joke and that “He’s been trick or treated to death tonight.” This leads into one of the greatest lines of this fuckin’ franchise from Loomis himself- “You don’t know what death is!” Who then scurries off around the corner in a wild state.
And then-the glorious, more angry pumpkin intro this time around. The score is more aggressive, much like in the rest of the film, coinciding with an angrier Myers. The pumpkin cracks down the middle to reveal a skull. The symbol that death is coming and isn’t stopping for anyone.
So good.
What’s YOUR favorite Halloween opening sequence? Discuss below in the comments!
Nightmare Nostalgia 