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Cool shit to buy

The Coolest Video Store Horror Movie Promos You Can Buy On eBay!

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Just in case you’re new here, video store promos and displays are something I search far and wide for, hoping to add to my collection that will probably never be completed, (especially in today’s economy). But even if my sad-looking bank account won’t allow it, merely gazing at what is now a lost art, is enough to soothe my soul more so than listening to some Pure Moods from the 90s.

And let me tell yah, “Return to Innocence” and “Tubular Bells” are pretty high up there.

If ye’ old video store promos and movie displays are something that brings a little bit of joy into your soul, or collection, then forget about browsing eBay because I got you covered as I have compiled a sweet stack of some pretty attainable and AWESOME items from the original auction/buy it now site that may or may not have you reaching deep into your pockets to fulfill all your mom-and-pop video store fantasies. So let’s dive right in it!

1985 “THE STUFF” COUNTER STANDEE DISPLAY

Larry Cohen’s THE STUFF had some pretty cool merch and displays during its promotional run and this is one of them. Per the description:

“This is a rare and original standee display for the 1985 horror movie “The Stuff”. The perfect addition to any horror movie memorabilia collection. It has never been used so I did not bend the back folding part in the picture to put it together. This came directly from a video store that shut down in the 90’s.

THE STUFF (1985) Video Store VHS Promo Inflatable Beach Ball 

Another really cool promo item from THE STUFF, is this inflatable beach ball probably given exclusively to video store owners. Measuring about 12-16 inches in diameter featuring the colors known for the packaging in the film, The Stuff logo is prominently displayed on three sides of the ball. 

TALES FROM THE DARKSIDE (1990) Horror Video Store VHS Promo Paper Masks

These are probably some of my favorite items on this list, and the most affordable at $25 a pop! Both sold from eBay seller Video Sanctum, the Gargoyle and Mummy paper mask from the TALES FROM DARKSIDE MOVIE are something I’ve never personally seen and in pretty great condition for being almost 35 years old!

FRIDAY THE 13th Video Store PROMO Inflatable Pumpkin

This 1988 giant inflatable pumpkin, that stands nearly 4 feet, was a video store promo for Halloween and the release of FRIDAY THE 13TH PART VII: THE NEW BLOOD. And it’s very much so, one of my favorites here as it combines two of my favorite things: Jason and Halloween.

Friday the 13th Part VII: The New Blood Jason Lights Display

Another cool video store promo for THE NEW BLOOD was this light-up display usually hung around the counters. Bold move considering I’d be the first person trying to steal that.

1987 Vestron Video Store Evil Dead 2 VHS display

For the ultimate screwhead! This MEGA RARE EVIL DEAD 2 display is pretty damn cool, regardless of the wear on it. That’s history right there folks. $350 worth.

1986 Vestron Video Halloween Movie Celebration Poster

Oh how I love thee video store promo poster, let me count the ways: TROLL, THE NIGHT DRACULA SAVES THE WORLD, AND RE-ANIMATOR. This is an original vintage release placed in someone’s mom and pop video store, probably around 1987-1988. I’m insanely jealous of whoever ends up with this.

Reproduction of 1985 Ghoulies Inflatable Video Store Display Promo

This little bastard has been sitting on eBay, and my radar, for a while. Note, this isn’t an original GHOULIES inflatable, but rather a reproduction made by Faint of Heart Creations of the toilet display that was seen in several video stores promoting the movie in 1985. Regardless, I would love one of these to stick in my guest bathroom for when my parents come over.

THE FLY II 2 Vintage 1989 Video Store Hanging VHS Promo

In promotion with the VHS of THE FLY II, video stores had this little bugger usually hanging from the ceilings. Now you can have a little Son of Brundlefly of your very own to display your home! Screw the plants, make room for MartinFly.

1986 House Movie Promo Light up VHS Store Display 

Absolutely the coolest thing here is this 1986 light-up HOUSE video store counter display that STILL works. DING DONG, MY WALLET IS DEAD.

If one of you ends up the lucky owners of some of these beauts, please remember me in your will. Thanks in advance.

Editorials

WHEN FANCY TALK IS ALL YOU HAVE

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“If precautions weren’t strong enough you should have told somebody.”

“I TOLD EVERYBODY! Nobody listened.”

Ironic that HALLOWEEN purists overwhelmingly detest the Rob Zombie re-imaginings because something the polarizing filmmaker once said in an interview with WatchMojo.com perfectly encapsulates Samuel Loomis:

“You just have to go through life knowing you’re right and everyone else can go fuck themselves.”

Whether it was colleagues questioning his observations or local law enforcement scoffing at his warnings, Dr. Loomis (Donald Pleasence) found his assertions challenged at every turn. After all, why would anybody believe the one person who’d spent every day for fifteen years with Michael Aubrey Myers? Time and again the good doctor was met with “probably going” and “I have the feeling you’re way off on this,” but Loomis persisted because sometimes being a leader means having the strength to stand alone.

Sheriff Brackett (Charles Cyphers) referred to Loomis’ words of foreboding as “fancy talk,” but when you appear paranoid and desperate due to a lack of diagnostic evidence, describing the things you’ve seen over the course of a decade-and-a-half is the only weapon at your disposal. Call it fancy talk, but there was nothing fancy about the knot in Loomis’ stomach telling him that he was right.

In vain, Loomis shared those experiences–his fancy talk–desperate for someone, anyone to listen, much less believe him. Despite his efforts, Loomis was met with rejection. Tales of silent alarms and a blank, pale, emotionless face were met with “if you are right, damn you for letting him go” when Loomis was the only one trying to keep Michael Myers locked up, and certainly the only one exerting energy to stop the impending massacre.

But Loomis didn’t let the opinions of others hinder him. The determined doctor traveled the 150 miles to Haddonfield because 9-to-5 didn’t apply to The Shape. Loomis gave nary a thought to his career or reputation, and certainly didn’t allow the notion that “I tried, but no one believes me” slow him down because Loomis understood with perfect clarity the only way to safeguard the people of Haddonfield was to take matters into his own hands.

By refusing to relent, Loomis told every authoritative detractor from Dr. Wynn (Robert Phelan) to Sheriff Brackett to go fuck themselves. That Loomis’ actions proved unsuccessful is irrelevant because stopping evil incarnate in itself is an exercise in futility. What matters is that Loomis refused to quit without so much as an ounce of assistance from those equipped–and charged–with helping him.

In the end, that’s what has endeared us to Loomis for 45 years: his unyielding resolve to protect. Whether it’s a significant other, our children, siblings or friends — when the chips are down, we are all Dr. Loomis — stopping at nothing to protect those we love.

Was it Dr. Loomis fearlessly storming up the Wallace’s stairs to confront Michael Myers alone?

As a matter of fact, it was.

Lists

FIVE CHARACTERS WHO NEED ORIGIN STORIES

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I’m having a blast writing these each week, but it occurred to me that the Quintessential Quintuplets title–rather than the ode to Quint I’d intended–may be, perhaps, a wee wordy. So, we’ll try it this way for a bit.

This week, let’s discuss characters who pop up, grab your attention, then disappear before you even realize they’re gone.

Those characters who stay with you. Who even today, have you yearning for more. Brief though it was, what led to the moment we met them?

For me, the five who follow are those characters.

5 — BIG JOHN ELLIOTT (SNOOP DOGG / DAY SHIFT, 2022)

Big John Elliott is a fantastic character all his own, but some combination of director J.J. Perry and writers Tyler Tice and Shay Hatten have the kind of love for Creighton Duke (wait for it), that led to an Easter egg (read wondrous wardrobe) that even a damn bunny would be proud of. is chef’s kiss. That said, Elliott is calm and cool, not unlike Snoop himself, a ride-or-die friend, and when it comes time to vanquish vampires, dude goes full Blaine and leaves no crumbs. It’s simple: horror can never offer enough 90-minute, popcorn fare where we can just enjoy our asses off. So, give us a glimpse behind the curtain to see what led Big John to the events of DAY SHIFT. Oh, and don’t go thinkin’ Snoop can’t carry a film his damn self because BONES (2001) exists. And it slaps.

4 — CREIGHTON DUKE (STEVEN WILLIAMS / JASON GOES TO HELL: THE FINAL FRIDAY, 1993)

There are myriad reasons for more Creighton Duke, that he clearly inspired Big John is just a bonus. First of all, it’s Steven Williams. Having a top tier talent exist within the Friday franchise simply makes me giddy. Few pull off intimidating intensity quite like Mr. Williams, and frankly, we need it. It’s been 14 years since we got a Friday film that wasn’t of the fan variety (no disrespect to Vincente DiSanti), so why can’t this franchise pull a Disney+ and dart off in directions that extend beyond Bryan Fuller’s intentions? We’re not allowed to forget that at one point Duke dropped “remember me?” on our asses in JASON GOES TO HELL. I want–nay–need to know what that meant, and quite certain I’m not alone. This character is mysterious, vulgar, and ultimately a badass who breaks digits in exchange for information. More Creighton Duke, please and thank you. And the best part? No need to find a younger actor for the role because Steven Williams doesn’t fucking age.

3 — DICK HALLORANN (SCATMAN CROTHERS / THE SHINING, 1980)

Look, Scatman Crothers was a once-in-a-lifetime talent, but Carl Lumbly filled those enormous shoes quite admirably in DOCTOR SLEEP (2019), so what’s the hold up? What began as concerned looks whilst Danny (Danny Lloyd) ate ice cream bled into a stern warning about Room 2-3-7 because there can be no doubt Dick Hallorann was intimately wired into the spectral strength the Overlook possessed. “I think a lot of things have happened at this particular hotel over the years, and not all of ’em was good” Mr. Hallorann has a story to tell. And more likely stories, plural. Lest we forget that as a child, the Hallorann had entire conversations with his grandmother without either opening their mouths. Warner Bros., you owe a debt — pay it.

2 — TOBIAS BUDGE (DEMORE BARNES / HANNIBAL NBC, 2013)

Rare is the television show that has fans clamoring for more nearly a decade after airing its final episode, but HANNIBAL (2013) is rarer than most. Take that how you will. We only got two episodes of Tobias around the midpoint of Season 1, but those delectable morsels were all we needed to fully comprehend we were hungry. Demore Barnes devoured the screen with each appearance, culminating in a dinner with Dr. Lecter (Mades Mikkelsen) where he revealed that he, too, dabbled in their dark art and had observed Hannibal do what he did — and did well — after following him one night. Of course, we all know that the cannibal counselor had already selected a protege and Tobias was living on borrowed time, but Budge was one of the most fascinating characters on a show brimming with fascinating characters. Should we get a fourth season, perhaps a flashback episode could be arranged providing the backstory we Fannibals are aching for.

1 — BIG JOE GRIZZLY (KEN FOREE / HALLOWEEN, 2007)

For starters, is “we need more Ken Foree” a hard sell? You and I both know good and hell well that it is not. We can talk about taco deluxe supremes, Swank subscriptions, or the fact that Big Joe actually says A-hole all damn day, but let’s get to the naughty, naughty. Our man politely asked Michael Myers to let him pass his beast in peace, but on just the second knock, that all melted away. Dude started talkin’ shit and pulled a knife. We knew that Grizzly was a truck driver, but brandishing a blade because someone interrupted your bowel movement? Big Joe Grizzly has seen some shit! And I want to know what that shit is.

These are but a handful of my personal selections, there are endless genre characters we simply didn’t get enough of, so give us yours in the comments.

Thanks for reading and see you next week!

PREVIOUS QUINTESSENTIAL QUINTUPLETS

CURRY CHARACTERS

WHY THE FIRM IS HORROR’S BEST ENSEMBLE EVER

MICHAEL MYERS

CARPENTER CHARACTERS